By Spencer Freund

It’s the beginning of May, which signals countless sleepless nights and hours of studying for those insane people known as AP students. It is AP test season, which means AP students are constantly fluctuating between studying, panicking, and having mental breakdowns. All year the students have been preparing for their exams, and they have now entered the home stretch. Nearly every student wishes to do well on these tests, and thus spends hour upon hour rereading textbooks and taking practice tests. No longer do these unfortunate souls spend weekends socializing or having fun. Instead they spend every waking hour studying.

We can observe a group of AP students frantically preparing in any lunch wave or library. All of these students will have their head crammed into a book and will be muttering words, dates, and equations which they have to memorize. A few of these students may be twitching or blinking constantly. This is due to over exhaustion and being in a constant state of nervousness. All of their brain power is directed towards studying and memorization. Therefore, it is not rare to see these kids do unusual things, such as tripping over every possible obstacle or forgetting how to eat their food. They just can no longer focus on luxuries such as eating, breathing, or talking. This stress sometimes gets to students, and causes what we call “An AP breakdown.”

Characteristics of these breakdowns include throwing textbooks, shouting, tears, memory loss, pulling out hair, the inability to form complete sentences, erratic eye movements, and occasionally death. It is wise to stay clear from these students, as they may become violent. However, I braved the dangers in order to interview a few of these students who have entered this mental state. I cautiously approached one of these students in its natural habitat. This particular specimen was on the verge of tears, and seemed to be in a bad mood. As soon as I was close enough, the student turned to me and shouted, “I’ve studied so much that I don’t even know which way is up anymore! Abadada!” Now what this AP student meant by “Abadada” I don’t know, but it appears be a symptom of the mental breakdown. Another AP student nearby blurted out “Yesterday I was falling asleep while studying, so I went on my treadmill and studied while walking to stop myself from falling asleep. By the time I stopped studying, I had walked eleven miles.” This quotation has led research on whether having an AP breakdown can be an effective way to lose weight, as you are forced to exercise in order to stay awake. However, this may be one of the few, if not the only, benefits of an AP breakdown, as survivors of these breakdowns may never recover mentally. Years later, they may wake up in the middle of the night, believing that the test is tomorrow, and begin to cram. Only after hours of studying will they realize that the test was in fact six years ago. This is just one of the many long-term effects of AP tests.

Currently, a cure for AP breakdowns is being developed. This cure will be labeled the “anti-overachievement pill” and will certainly reduce the number of diagnoses. Unfortunately, this pill is decades away from being developed, so until then, the students will be forced to endure the studying and breakdowns that come from AP tests. Good luck to all!